Magnanimation

Literature Liaison

2011-06-07T01:29:00.001-07:00

As your literature loving liaison, I have decided to share with you some of the recent books I've read for your consideration.

Name of the Wind | Patrick Rothfuss
Five Stars
Since I read Ian Irvine (a favorite) I've not read fantasy or fiction as rich, entertaining, valuable, and whole as Rothfuss' Name of the Wind. A story within a story-- A lowly inkeeper has hidden his identity as a world-renowned hero with genuine hero qualities and history, and he sits down with a historian to chronicle the truth of his past. His story is captivating and it seems that it is still unfolding even as he is telling it. The book is mysterious, intelligent, charming, and the characters are witty and real. I loved it, even if it took 100 pages to get hooked. Well worth the read and its selling like hot-cakes too. I recommend this book for anyone whether or not they read fantasy already. I really like the main character a lot, and that makes a book.

Writing Four
Style Five
Entertainment Value Five
Educational Value Four

The Shadow of the Wind | Carlos Ruiz Zafon
Four Stars
Yes, I'm into "wind" books. This is a wonderful dark story set in 1940s Barcelona. It has all the romance of the Spanish and the mystery of the past wrapped up in it. It is a story about love and murder. It's about character and how friendships go awry. It's illustriously written and reminded me a tiny bit of The Great Gatsby in the way it read, although I think I preferred it for entertainment value. I am reading the sequel now, excited that there is more. I would recommend this book to popular fiction readers and mystery lovers. Not for those who can't appreciate poetic analogy, or deep irrational romance. It did get a little too poetic for me at times, and it didn't feel very real, more like a dream, but I like dreams and would read another dream like this anytime.
Writing Four
Style Three
Entertainment Value Four
Educational Value Four

Outlander | Diana Gabaldon
Three Stars
Outlander is intense, fast paced, entertaining, and indulgent. Gabaldon has sent a WW2 nurse from 1945 into the middle of a Highlander battle, where she is nearly immediately taken advantage of physically. It is her love interest, however, who will bear the brunt of Gabaldon's character punishment. Thank God it's fictional, I thought to myself as I read the most gruesome parts. The plot is interesting, the main characters are somewhat relate-able and easy enough to like. My main frustration is the lack of direction and resolution that this series has -- I read the fourth in the series, Voyager, which was alright, but got stuck in book five, the Drums of Autumn. I even bought book six preemptively since I always finish series', but haven't had the energy or desire to keep on with it. Also, it really should be in the romance section. The messed up, historical, time traveling, sexually twisted sub-division of the Romance section. Her books take up enough room that we could probably just give her a section to herself anyway. Here is my advice -- Don't read it if you wish to preserve the virginity of your mind. If you feel you're already deflowered, then read the first one, Outlander, and be done with it. 3 stars because it is indeed entertaining, and totally readable.
Writing Three
Style Four
Entertainment Value Four
Educational Value Two

Next edition: The Angel's Game {Carlos Ruiz Zafon}, Captivating {John and Stasi Eldredge}, Across the Face of the World {Russell Kirkpatrick}

Add any requests or comment your own reviews!

It's been a long while!

2011-06-07T01:00:00.001-07:00

My last post mentioned marriage and was so long ago, and now I really am getting married :) July 15th 2011 I will be married to a wonderful, loving, gentle, and loyal man with whom I can't wait to spend the rest of my life.

I have decided to resurrect this blog.

Life is so abstract and without rambling out my feelings and thoughts in some way to some one, I think it's been harder to process things. Of course Christian has been the subject of my ramblings, almost exclusively, since I started dating him almost a year and a half ago, but things that are written last so much longer than things you say. Thank God for that.

I like to write, and I am determined to write more. I don't think I'll write about myself though, or at least, not directly. I just want to write. I'll write books and write about books and contain those deep nuggets of truth that I was trying to share in my blogs within. Because you have to protect yourself and those around you, and now reading those old posts, I can see that truth can be hurtful, even if it isn't maliciously shared.

Here is to a new beginning. The start of something fresh, and with hopes that it will blossom and be fruitful. The kind of fruit that feeds men. The kind of fruit from the Tree of the Lord.

Certainty

2010-01-26T02:29:00.000-08:00

New Work

2009-10-05T18:56:00.000-07:00

Pike Place Market Buskers

2009-07-01T10:47:00.001-07:00

Festival poster. Real event but this isn't the "real" poster.

Timberlake Youth Brand

2009-07-01T10:42:00.000-07:00

Church youth group brand: timberlakechurch.org

Film Noir Festival

2009-07-01T10:40:00.000-07:00

A school project to create a campaign for a film noir festival.

Band Posters

2009-07-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Two of my event posters. Sons of Korah is the name that appears before many of the Psalms identifying the writers. Not affiliated or referencing any current band called Sons of Korah. Eric Miller is a guy who was playing a house show at a friends house.

Can't Go Back Now

2009-05-09T00:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when you were young,
everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own,
but you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on,
Cause you can't go back now.

You know there will be days when you're so tired
that you can't take another step.
The night will have no stars
and you'll think you've gone as far
as you will ever get.

But you, and me walk on,
Cause you can't go back now.

Yea, yea, go where you wanna go.
Yea, yea, be who you wanna be.
If you ever turn around, you'll see me.

http://www.myspace.com/theweepies

The Cares of this World

2009-05-06T12:52:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Lord, awesome and mighty,
your mercy brings me to my knees
and I am lifted by your love to sing
it's your mercy that has set me free.

I really like a lot of what is going on in my life right now

design commitments

mars hill
timberlake
work for friends
school

relationships

family
friends
co-workers
fellowship
employers
acquaintances

I feel blessed with a spirit of discipline not forsaking relaxation

getting design work done
getting horse stuff done
learning
keeping daily life running

I feel like I'm useful
I feel like I'm wanted

I need to gain some perspective and use the time of ease I'm in right now to make some changes in my life and allow God to grow and mature me in good times so I don't have to do it in bad times.

I need to be quieter: quick to listen; slow to speak, but not forsaking my spirit of boldness and courage.

being an encouraging friend
taking advice from wiser people
being lead when I'm not meant to lead
being less egregious in general
being humble and "meek"-- a word no one would use to describe me right now

I need to adopt a generous heart

I need to be more patient with people
I need to be flexible with a loving spirit instead of a grudging one
I need to be generous with my time and attention without spreading myself too thin. I can't do everything so I should just be there for the people I can be but be fully there.
I need to listen better and care more

I need to take a stand for myself sometimes

communicating with people that I have broken relationships with about the things that keep them broken for me
not letting myself be a doormat about things that hurt or bother me
I need to be wiser in practice not just in theory
I need to grow up and learn that making sacrifices that will let me get hurt and not communicating doesn't open possibilities for good things to happen or for better relationships; it opens possibilities for relationships that are inevitably unsuccessful.

I need to worship more frequently

pray more often, bringing my concerns to God before I appeal to my own wisdom to bail me out
worship in music-- i ignore my guitar a lot
engage in fellowship more and share my faith
remember to glorify God in everything I do

Secrets

2009-03-04T13:43:00.000-08:00

isnt it funny how all secrets are like iceburgs, and we prefer them that way? we like people to see the tip floating ominously along, but we dont necesarilly want be transparent water allowing everyone to see and understand the secret--or it wouldnt be a secret. everyone knows that 90% of iceburgs are underneath the surface. we all like to practice this "toying" with other people's curiosity, but we hate it when people turn this trick on us :)

I don't need that.

2009-02-12T13:09:00.000-08:00

An open mind, in questions that are not ultimate,
is useful. But and open mind about ultimate foundations
either of Theoretical or Practical Reason is idiocy.
If a man's mind is open on these things, let his mouth be shut.

[C.S. Lewis in The Abolition of Man CH2 P 19 Page 60]

Learn Coding Faster

Your Jar

2009-01-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

Lies i've told myself.
i'll find more freedom living in a house built of brick.
In places i will go
to build on things I should have known
before this.

with your hand closed tight
pulling at the treats inside
a jar whose mouth is not quite wide
enough.
break the jar and solve your problem,
but cut your arm and you create another.

i've been warned
but nothing is louder than actions to speak.
and i feel warm,
but nothing is colder than watching you leave

Promises

2008-12-30T20:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it rains.
Sometimes it takes a lot of rain before I remember God's promises.
Sometimes it snows.

Psalm 1.

Blessed is he who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
but his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does he prospers.
The wicked are not so,
but are like chaff that the wind drives away.

Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous;
for the Lord knows the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish.

Found Proverbs of Trust

2008-12-25T00:27:00.000-08:00

Trust is a decision.

The bestowal of trust is a gift, it's maintenance a reward.

Trust engenders trust; distrust engenders distrust.

It is far better to trust and be disappointed in a person, than to distrust and be disappointed in life.

Trust differs from blindness as love differs from obsession.

The proper limit of trust is prudence, not fear.

Trust permits risk, which permits change, which permits growth.

Trust in God is called hope.

Hope, like all forms of trust, is based on desire, experience, and will.

Without hope life is not possible.

Helpful RE-Blog from OCT 9 2006

2008-12-15T00:27:00.000-08:00

Traits of selfish love:
.................................
posessive/ authoritative
the person plays the victim card a lot
controling
self seeking- create them in your own image
actually a love for one's self rather than the other
uses people
seeks attention/ things to benefit ones self from person
quick to anger
justified by subject by blaming other
secretive/dishonest

Traits of unselfish love:
......................................
unconditional
serving the other
seeks to please
humble- not controlling or blaming others
kind
patient
vulnerable but not "oh woe is me i am a victim, you dont love me"
honest
from God
sacraficia always

slipway

2008-12-14T12:23:00.000-08:00

Guernsey Cow on the Common--Right across from my old house.

Pembroke bay slipway

Grand Roque Slip

When I was little living in Guernsey we used to go out and sit on the slipway at the beach across from my house at low tide. We would talk and play games and wait till the tide came in and we would see who could sit the longest as the waves began to sweep around us up the slip. Eventually the waves would be up to our necks as we were sitting there and one would be too cold and give in. Whenever I was cold I remembered my sister told me she used to imagine she was wading through warm water when she was cold walking around the common, and I would do the same and feel the imaginary warmth.

I remember swimming over piers that the tide had covered with 4 feet of water, and feeling the edge of the pier and the depth and darkness felt colder than the water over the pier. It seemed like it was drawing me; pulling at my weight.

Did I dream my childhood?

Proverbs

2008-12-09T00:51:00.000-08:00

Ancient Water

Today and yesterday were long and I am very tired. I kept trying to feel better by eating icecream, drinking tea, having a bath, cleaning up, whatever and it wasn't working. THEN by some divine inspiration I got in bed and opened up my bible to proverbs 15 and started reading. I love it and I needed it so much.

The tongue of the wise man makes knowledge acceptable,
but the mouth of fools spouts folly.

The lips of the wise spread knowledge,
but the hearts of fools are not so.

A scoffer does not love the one who reproves him,
he will not go to the wise.

A joyful heart makes a cheerful face,
but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.

Better is a dish of vegetables where love is,
than a fattened calf and hatred with it.

Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense,
but a man of understanding walks straight.

The Lord is far from the wicked,
but he hears the prayers of the righteous.

The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom,
and before honor comes humility.

All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight,
but the Lord weighs the motives.

When a man's ways are pleasing to the Lord,
He makes even their enemies to be at peace with him.

Pride goes before destruction,
and a haughty spirit before stumbling.

A rebuke goes deeper into one who has understanding
than a hundred blows into a fool.

A friend loves at all times
and a brother is born for adversity.

A joyful heart is good medicine,
but a broken spirit dries up the bones.

He who restrains his words has knowledge,
and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

Even a fool, when he keeps silent, is considered wise;
When he closes his lips he is counted prudent.

The words of a man's mouth are deep waters;
the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.

The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels.
and they go down into the innermost parts of the body.

The spirit of a man can endure his sickness,
but a broken spirit who can bear?

He who finds a wife finds a good thing,
and obtains favor from the Lord.

He who gets wisdom loves his own soul;
He who keeps understanding will find good.

A foolish son is destruction to his father
and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping.

House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers,
but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but the counsel of the Lord, it will stand.

What is desirable in a man is his kindness, and it is better to be a poor man than a liar.

2008-12-08T01:43:00.000-08:00

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say,
"I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"—

For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning Sonnet 14- If thou must love me

When you look at me.

2008-12-02T11:09:00.000-08:00

Hesitation

Lately I've been meandering along day to day getting tasks done as they come, or procrastinating till the last moment and then forcing myself to work under stress. I've had lots and lots to think about. God has been teaching me and revealing himself to me in my life, and calling me to rise above the stresses and take joy in Him always.

The sermon at Mars Hill was hard to hear this last week. Song of Solomon near the end hints to two different types of women- walls and doors. Walls are characteristically impenetrable and stable. A woman who is a wall is not interested in opening up to anyone except her husband or future husband-- emotionally or otherwise. A woman who is a door is always open, and every guy that comes along can waltz right in. The sermon then turned to emphasize the role of a father to protect his daughter until she is out of her teen years. I realized that God has protected me and shaped me into a wall and that whenever it is that i try to break down the wall he built is when I get hurt.

I've been struggling with two concepts and their practical application. The painfulness and undeserved nature of grace, and guarding my heart simultaneously. Life is so amazing, and God is more amazing to me. I find to give someone in my life grace and love them it kinda hurts when you do it right-- unselfishly. Humans hurt. I hurt myself and we hurt each other without even thinking twice most of the time. We graze up against the idea of giving real grace or real love and then we shy away when we feel the prickle of vulnerability on our hearts. But in God there is unselfish, undemanding, totally pure and sacrificial love and grace in abundance.

Is it true that the more you love the more you hurt?

I suppose one could love God to any extreme and not find pain in that love.

I struggle with whether or not this is the case for loving humans.

A quote from C.S. Lewis' "The Four Loves" (one of my favorites)

"It is probably impossible to love any human being simply "too much."

We may love him too much in proportion to our love for God; but it is the

smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that

constitutes the inordinacy...But the question whether we are loving God or

the earthly Beloved "more" is not, so far as concerns our Christian duty, a

question avout the comparative intensity of two feelings. The real question is,

which (when the alternative comes) do you serve, or choose, or put first?

To which claim does your will, in the last resort, yeild?"

Commentary

2008-11-29T13:50:00.001-08:00

[ "How many 'ones' can you have?" ]

"Five"

[ "How many have you had?" ]

"Three, you?"

[ "Just one." ]

explodingdog.com favorites

2008-11-21T00:09:00.001-08:00

Thank God I saved you from those evil men

How do you do it?

I lost you

it was all for you

I miss you the most, but I'm going to have to call you back.

Shark Shark Shark, Dance Dance Dance

Tomorrow will be better

But I'm so tired

Brave

2008-11-20T16:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was walking to the car from class-- I parked a couple blocks up the road-- and I saw a crow ahead pecking at something on the grass between the sidewalk and the street. I love crows and I always take time to look at them carefully when I see them, so I did and I walked right past it. Usually they hop away or fly off when I get close but I walked probably 4 feet away from it looking closely and it just looked right back at me. As I got a few paces ahead I turned my head and whispered "you're very brave," and just as I heard myself say it I stopped in my tracks. I remembered a linoleum print I'd done in Senior year of high school that was a crow and for no reason I had also carved the word brave across it in cursive. A lot of people I know have prints, I made about 20. I always wondered why I wrote brave on it.

In the Valley

2008-11-18T21:28:00.000-08:00

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31. 25-26

The last week of my life has been very trying. I feel like a pity case, but the truth is I'm very well blessed and cared for. It's funny how a life of stability and security can hold you and make you feel like the slightest change will make you crash into oblivion. I'm not crashing into oblivion.

Instead I've resolved to stop complaining and worrying and instead to turn outwards towards God and others. If I'm so worried about myself all the time and my life and problems, then I can't take care of the people around me and be there for them, or worship for that matter. I'll have my moments when I need help, or an encouraging word, or just someone to listen, but I want to stop my mind's world from revolving around me. I want to revolve around God and others.

I know God's plan is going to unfold. His power and authority are over all of the things that are frustrating me. I love that I can take a breath, have a hot chocolate, and turn my attention to a friend who is having a hard week, or a school assignment, or a household chore. God really is gracious.

News

-I am looking for a job

-no events at the moment

Holy Hands

2008-08-27T23:27:00.000-07:00

What wise women say, one aught to consider with respect.

Today a wise woman told me that Gods hand was upon me.

She told me that trials teach perseverance, and that God will choose often to make his prophets hard and strong--able to resist Satan's attacks.

She told me that I am wise beyond my years, but that I should always seek more wisdom. There is a lot to be said for life lessons-- experiencing God's transforming truths will happen in God's own time, and he uses our lives to accomplish this refining process.

She told me that being a leader will cause me to be isolated at times, but that I should always immerse myself in Christian fellowship.

She said I'll know when I meet the right man for me.

Lately God has been working in me and transforming me, bringing me through trials and life lessons, healing me, and calling me to rise to his new standards for me. I have had some real fears associated with emotional intimacy and openness become apparent in my life, and I know that this is God's time to begin to heal those wounds. Painful and slow is heart surgery, but those who need it don't survive without it. I know that God's hand is steady. (Unlike mine, I cut myself shaving really badly today haha I have a big red cut all down my calf :S)

You will keep in perfect peace he whose mind is stayed upon you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

a-part from me

2008-08-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

I'm mediating on God's word. God said "it is not good for man to be alone."

18Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." 19 Now out of the ground the LORD God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. 20The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. 21So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. 23Then the man said, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

God bless those of my friends who have found their spare ribs :)

I can't thank God enough for how he has carried me, healed me, and transformed me.
I've had my heart broken, and I've had times in my life where I tried leaning on my heart in order to stand. It turns out feet are for standing on, and your heart is for God to carry. I never thought I would be able to get over my distance from other women, but God's healed me.
I never thought I would be so happy outside of a relationship, but the truth is I've been so happy lately, and I've had no shortage of people around me to support and care for me, to lead me and protect me. I feel so blessed, like I may as well be relaxing on a lounger in a wonderful palace being waited on and having every luxurious thing I desire.

It's all in my heart, and it's all because God's hand is upon me.
Even me, so imperfect. Loud, arrogant, silly, thoughtless, ashamed, and concieted.
God loves me, and that is enough. The way he loves me takes care of all my needs.

Maybe one day soon I'll be a spare rib no longer, but until then, I know God's seasoning me just right. :) BBQ theology. perfect.

a million lights

2008-08-07T16:22:00.000-07:00

Recently I've been really lost in the small details of life. I often feel like I don't have a sense of direction, but that's not true. I know that God's plan for me is unfolding in His own time, but it's still easy to reach a fork in the road and freeze. When I catch my bearings, I remember it's good to stop and smell the roses--or daisies-- and leave it to Him. I'm gonna chill out at the fork in the road for a while, until I'm moved to move. I'll be patient, but I won't fail to take action when necessary.

Lyrics from a cheesy but good Tree63 song:

Can we hang out tonight, underneath your cieling?
I'll stare up at a million lights, and listen to you breathing.
If I fall fast asleep, its just because I feel so safe in you.
It won't take much to wake me up.

Could I walk out to sea- way beyond these breakers?
We have no place among the movers and the shakers.
You'rs is the only throne I'll ever get down on my knees before
You have the whole of me

RIP Jonas

2008-07-13T22:35:00.000-07:00

My beloved fish died tonight. He was humanely removed from this world after battling illness for several weeks. His suffering was ended in a short minute or so, but he lived a very long happy life of 7 years. Jonas was a strong fish-- he survived many traumatic and dangerous events. There was the time he jumped out of his bowl, and I found him nearly completely dried up on the carpet after school, but I saw him take a breath and placed him back into the water. Within a few hours he was beginning to swim around, and over the next several days his fins began to work again. After that event he survived for 4 more years. Jonas loved to swim around, eat fish flakes, follow your finger along the side of the bowl, and his favorite activity was to suck up the small gravel pellets and spit them at the glass of his coffee pot. Over the years I cared for Jonas and cleaned him out, and every one of my friends at some point admired him when visiting my room. He was a golden comet fish, the kind they feed to larger fish in fancy aquariums. I rescued him from the pet supply store in Sammamish. I will miss Jonas. He will be buried tomorrow in our yard under a Golden Chain tree.

Thanks for my fish God. Take care of him-- he may have been small, but I loved him.

Gold

2008-07-07T23:19:00.000-07:00

I love the feeling you get when you go swimming on a nice day, and you mostly dry off and you put on warm clothes. My hair starts to dry in beachy waves, and I feel refreshed and comfortable. It makes me feel ready for anything, like I'm in my most cosy, natural, neutral, peaceful state.

I think God might be leading me back into service in worship. I can usually tell because I suddenly don't suck at guitar :]

So I'll be keeping my eyes open and praying about that.

This week I have several days off so I'm going to take advantage of them :]

I sunbathed, went swimming, and rode my horsie today. I love it.

Upcoming event: TRON!!! at my house on Wednesday the 9th at 7pm

For those of you who havent seen this disney treasure, you're in for a real treat. Microsofties will learn a lot about new and upcoming technologies.

I wont guarantee it but I might get the urge to make my famous chocolate chip cookies too.

see you there.

From Zion

2008-06-27T00:07:00.000-07:00

And I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding. JER 3 15

How God has brought me through the last few years is a mystery. He made me the above promise, and asked me to wait, and to anticipate the arrival of my shepherds. While I waited he protected me even when I was in the most vulnerable state I could have been, and he lifted me up.

Return O faithless sons, and I will heal your faithfulness JER 3 22

He called me to dig my roots deep into the word and hold fast against the weather. I was blown and swayed, but with my spirit deep away, covered by his pinions, stayed put.

For we do not live on bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. MAT 4 4

I wept for joy today.

Psalm 91 Explored

2008-06-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

From the NASB

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty

2 I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress,

My God, in whom I trust!"

3 For it is He who delivers you from the snare of the trapper.

And from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with His pinions,

and under His wings you may seek refuge;

His faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

5 You will not be afraid of the terror by night,

or of the arrow that flies by day:

6 Of the pestilence that stalks in darkness,

or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,

and ten thousand at your right hand;

But it shall not approach you.

8 You will only look on with your eyes,

and see the recompense of the wicked.

9 For you have made the LORD, my refuge,

even the Most High, your dwelling place.

10 No evil will befall you,

Nor will any plague come near your tent.

11 For He will give His angels charge concerning you,

to guard you in all your ways.

12 They will bear you up in their hands

lest you strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra,

the young lion and the serpent you will trample down.

14 "Because he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver him;

I will set him securely on high, because he has known My name.

15 He will call upon Me and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will rescue him, and honor him,

16 With a long life I will satisfy him,

and let him behold My salvation."

Some extra information:

Psalm 91 is a funeral favorite, also called the Terror Rest Prayer in a book by Ed Morris.

In verse 1 there are multiple translations which use the term "secret place" in stead of "shelter."

The verse consequently reads; He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High...

Verse 2: there is a disagreement between translations on the word to or of--- I will say TO the Lord or Of Him.

Verse 4: Pinions are wings, and a bulwark is a mound used for defense in battle, like a shield.

My Thoughts:

This psalm has given me relief from my deepest anxieties, on nights when I felt farthest from safety. In early summer 2006 I went on a plane ride from WA DC where I had been on a lobbying trip to further my political advancement and knowledge. Soon after take off I had become convinced that the plane was doomed to crash, and a panic attack ensued. Instead, I crashed down from my political convictions and passions into a deep and faith shaking anxiety which wracked me for nearly 5 months. It was a crisis of faith and the culmination of all my bottled up fears of being alone in my beliefs and thoughts. I was terrified of everything around me and every thought that crossed my mind. I was afraid to die without resolving the fears and doubts that had arisen, and I was feeling incapable of dealing with them on my own. I sought out a mentor to guide me, holding to a verse that I had in my heart-- "and I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will feed you with knowledge and understanding. JER 3: 15

Julie Aries was the mentor I found and in our few meetings she gave me a bible in a year (this was approaching January 07) and she assigned me Psalm 91 to read and memorize by the time we next met.

To persevere under extreme pressure can strengthen faith, but without holding steadfast to scripture it can be near impossible in my experience. We must remember that God will never test us beyond our strength. Psalm 91 to me is a shield and a sword against fears, doubts, and attacks of the enemy. One of the effects of memorizing and meditating on this psalm for me has been an overwhelming desire to submit to the care and authority of God and his plans for me. In my anxiety I realized God's power and love for me, and the psalm became my prayer and defense.

During my anxiety I also fully realized the value and importance of submission to and honoring of those shepherds after God's own heart. Whenever I meet a Godly leader I am filled with joy.

The anxiety slowly disappeared over about a years time, and I find that it returns mildly whenever I feel very alone in my faith, or even in other areas like politics or conventional wisdom. I am humbled by my own fears, but encouraged by fellowship and leadership. God has covered me with his pinions like I was his very own child, and I am.

1COR 10 13

No temptation has overtaken you that is not uncommon to man. God is faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Dear Future Husband,

2008-06-18T22:10:00.000-07:00

Things you must do to make me happier:

Tell me I'm smart
Get better mileage
Project confidence
Watch the road
Get off your high horse
Be there for me
Tolerate my family
Plot the escape route
Answer the phone
Spend more
Care
Call me back
Stop counting my carbs
Caveat emptor
Turn off the alarm
Take me somewhere
Make the reservation
Force the issue
Deal with it
Take my side
Pray
Explain it for me
Save me a seat
Fix it
Feign jealousy
Tell me the truth
Sprinkle it with sunshine
Trust me
Open the door
Get off the computer
Stoke the fire
Spell better
Kill that spider
Adopt a French accent
Increase my joy
Unplug
Be a team player
Use less hair product
Get me a drink
Let me finish
Stop the rain
Take control
Hold this
Speak up
Hold me
Walk beside me
Say I'm not home
Alphabetize
Use a different font
Relocate
Eschew martyrdom
Pretend you're listening
Live long and prosper
Slow down
Love me forever.